Chapter1: The beginning

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Why? Why does it hurt so much?

I am so happy on the outside, but I am so scared right now.

Where are you? Why did you leave me? Am I not enough? Why is life so unfair to me?

I always thought I was a winner. I thought love could keep you with me. But I was wrong.

Maybe love is never enough. Sometimes love should not be chased. Sometimes, you just have to let it go.

So, I am trying to move on with life. I found someone. He is amazing. And I call him my love. 

Today, we sat together and the world felt quiet. We didn't talk about money or things. We talked about our dreams.

He is not just a partner to me; he is my guide. He helps me see things I couldn't see before.

He looked at me today, his voice soft and steady, and said: "You may find what you are looking for."

I froze. I wondered if he could see the broken parts of me. I wondered if he knew just how lost I actually am.

I didn't say it out loud. I couldn't. But inside, I made a wish.

I secretly wish that you will choose me.

I keep getting angry at him for no reason.

I snap at him. I push him away. He is dealing with the stress that he never gave to me. He is paying the price for a pain he didn't cause.

I always tell him, "I don't want to be a burden to you."

But in reality, I am just overwhelmed by all the things that were unfair to me in the past. I am projecting my hurt onto him.

I looked at him today, with tears in my eyes, and said, "It has nothing to do with you. I am facing my own devils, and I might not survive."

He didn't leave. He didn't get mad. He just looked at me and said, "You are not alone. I will always be with you."

I wonder what is wrong with me. Why can't I just love anyone simply? Why am I like this?

My heart is beating fast, and I am terrified.

Am I falling in love again?

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